Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize