when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
