I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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