So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
