bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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