heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
