how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
