So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
