So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
