Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
