Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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