so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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