Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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