she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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