I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
