I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
there was a trapeze. enough said
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
