ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
