I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
