It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
