Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
