So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
