I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
