We won't sleep together?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
