Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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