how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
