If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
