just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
