I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
