she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
