I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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