Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
