I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
