If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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