omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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