If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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