i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
