Pants 0. Shit 1.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
