It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
