Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
