so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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