She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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