I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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