3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
