There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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