we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
