I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
