i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
