yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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