you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
