I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
