I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cut my penus on the lid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
only you would photoshop your dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
