# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
