we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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