My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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