He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize