No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
