Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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