So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
