after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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