first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
