I hope mine doesn't look like that
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
