Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
