WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
