A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize