fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
