How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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