phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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