All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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