Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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