Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
