I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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