My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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