we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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