and she was petting her beer can
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
