; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
