so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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