So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
