Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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