"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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