Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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