You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
