You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize