my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
