Little spoons don't ask big questions
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
