no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
