hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
