Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
