ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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