Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
