I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
