First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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