I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize