just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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