Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
