he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
