i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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