He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
