i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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