At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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