thus making me awesome and them whores
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
