There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize