Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
