No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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