i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
